The Strength to Choose Yourself with Suha Lingam

There are some things that are that could be different and should be different. And hopefully I've taken those lessons and I'm trying to raise my daughter.

It's intuition. Like, does it feel right or does it not? And let's see, growing up, even in my 20s, it was a bad word. Stunt has been such an evolving term for me just over the decades. And I had to get to a place where I was complete on my own. There was nobody coming to rescue you, rescue me or complete me. Hi everybody, welcome back to another episode of Portraits of Strength, a podcast where we share everyday people will share their extraordinary stories that have shaped them. I'm your host, Harry the Anecdotist, and I'm so glad that you stopped by.

For nearly two decades, Suha has LED with intention, shaping digital strategy, building systems, and guiding meaningful work across healthcare, retail, and lifestyle brands. As the managing principal of Digitrunk and through leadership roles at Studio McGee, Intermountain Healthcare, Zell Jewellers, and Claire's, she has built a career rooted in clarity, impact, and thoughtful design. She holds an MBA from BYU and formal training in digital marketing from Cornell. And yet, her most powerful work didn't happen in boardrooms.

Suha is a survivor of domestic abuse relationship, someone who chose courage over comfort and freedom over fear. Leaving a toxic relationship requires a different kind of leadership, deep self trust, resilience, and the strength to rebuild her own life on her own terms. Today's conversation is about what it took to choose courage over comfort, to heal and to rebuild a life anchored in self trust and strength. Soha, I'm truly honoured that you have agreed to join me for this conversation. Welcome to Portraits of Strength.

Thank you, Harry. It's a pleasure to be here. So let's get started with Can you tell me a little bit of how your childhood was? You know what your early experiences or influences in your life were. So I grew up in India. I immigrated to the US in my late teens. OK, family. I'm an only child, daughter of immigrants and an immigrant myself. Growing up in India, it was, you know, typical Indian childhood. But we always knew that we were going to relocate to the US at some point, OK. So it was one of those limbo situations where you couldn't quite make your home because it was like you could get your visa the very next year.

So you were there was a lot of waiting around. A lot of waiting. About 10-15 years of waiting. Oh wow. So where in India did you grow up? Chennai. Chennai and Coimbatore as well. So OK. And a little bit in Bangalore, but yeah, so I couldn't make any long term plans, even even friendships, even like buying a home for my parents, like do we need to do this? Things like that. So and then eventually we ended up here with my big extended family that's already been living here. Interesting aspect is I'm even though I'm an only child, I grew up with a lot of cousins there and a lot of cousins here in the US and the oldest kind of on both sides of the families.

You are OK? Yeah, OK. So lots of pressure to be an example without the perks of having siblings. Just the pain. So, so you had the elder daughter or the eldest daughter syndrome basically, but without any siblings, but you have cousins to kind of OK. And interestingly, my family that's lived here that moved in the 70s and 80s, they're still kind of stuck in the 70s and 80s of what our culture is. Even though India has evolved so much as I grew up, they, they are still in that mindset of how women should be and how families should be legacy and things like that.

So it's been an interesting

brought up, I would say so. I mean people are like you grew up here, but you don't seem like that. Yeah. So I mean, that's definitely shaped me in I guess positive and negative ways, right? So living here so many years and I'm able to kind of get the best of both worlds. So I like to carry MyHeritage and my culture, but also analyze, hey, like there are some things that are that could be different and should be different. And hopefully I've taken those lessons and I'm trying to raise my daughter, you know, again to culture situation, but trying to help her keep some of her originality and individuality as well.

So, So what are your earlier influences of inspiration or people like, whether it's fictional or in person, like, you know, who have like influence the way you think and how you look at that analysis or whatever that you were just talking about, right? Is there a particular person that comes to mind? I think my parents, OK, perfectly honest, my biggest influence, my mom is still in my head for good, for bad. I think just because my parents have had a rough childhood themselves, they've carried a lot of that trauma and that fear.

They both grew up in Sri Lanka and escaped the war. Like, like, like the story, like you would see in the movies. That was our I was a baby. I was born in Sri Lanka and just we escaped to India, back to our roots. So the trauma that they've carried the the survival and just the let's just be content being alive more than let's just not think beyond that and so. Surviving was more important than thriving or anything because oh wow, that shapes up the mindset so much. Sure and it's taken me decades to kind of get over that and to create the my own mindset of hey, I can't thrive, I deserve to thrive and I get to thrive and I just have to put in the work.

But because that was not the case, so the the bar was so low with everything that I guess I grew up with a very low bar and just with a lot of responsibility and expectations on me, which is unfortunate, but that's what it is. It is what? Yeah. Yeah, I know for sure. So what does strength mean to you? Because strength, in my opinion, is a spectrum, right? It can be physical strength. It can be various different definitions. So what's your definition of strength? My definition today or my definition over time?

Maybe how? Maybe let's go with how it was before and how it has evolved over time, right? I think strength and just definition of strength in my like, let's say growing up, even in my 20s, it was a bad word. Oh, so it has a it had a negative connotation. Exactly so strong means or a strong woman means you're aggressive, you're rude, you're mean, You know you're supposed to be soft and giving and tender. Subtle. Basically exactly. And then I. Submissive and subtle. At least that's what I'm getting.

Yeah, totally, totally submissive for sure. So strength was just a negative thing and I OK, even even in my 30s when I think I found the strength to leave a bad situation, it was more for my daughter and not because I magically discovered this strength and I felt empowered as a mother. And I was like, is this how I want my child to be raised? Is this the environment I want her to be in? I don't think I really thought about yourself being strong. And then people would say, wow, you're so strong and resilient.

I would get very uncomfortable to be perfectly. On no, I can. I can totally relate because most of the time when people say you're strong, my immediate reaction, in my mind at least, it's like, well, there's no other option. Exactly. So when there's no other option but my a few of my other friends also kind of like reminded is like actually there is other option. We just choose not to look at it because because I mean, there are so many of people who continue to live in those relationships or even take the other, you know, choice of ending their lives or things like that.

But those are not options that you or I chose. So yeah, I get it. I, I relate. I can relate to that. I'm. Glad you do, because I think in just in the last few years, just looking back, I just go, wow, I did have a choice. Yeah. I was strong. I was resilient. I just didn't have the opportunity to slow down and reflect and go, good job, Suha. You know, Yeah, I think that's what's defined strength. And strength has been such an evolving term for me just over the decades. And now I see strength as more of compassion towards myself.

There is just for most of my life, anything, any word that started with self was just a bad negative connotation. Selfish, right? So self-care, self love, you know, self introspection, you know, there are some things I need to take responsibility for things that didn't work out in my life. So even that it was just just focusing on yourself. It's just such a bad thing. So now I'm like, let me give myself some compassion, Let me forgive myself if if I think there's things I could have done differently.

So that's been a big shift for me in how I view strength is compassion towards myself. I've become more discerning towards others, but I'm also trying to balance that with the tenderness that I've always had. And I'm a very vulnerable person. So I'm really trying to balance all that, be like my true self is vulnerable and a giving person, but I'm also now more discerning about who I give that to. Yeah, that's that's pretty cool to think about, right? Like, it's not. People tend to make strength and vulnerability mutually exclusive, but it's actually not that at all, because being vulnerable itself takes a lot of strength to open up.

I know. Right. Yeah, I'm sure you've seen that quote from Brené Brown, The Courage. Isn't Infinity, Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, definitely. That's that's amazing. So how would you describe the season of life that you're in today? So I've intentionally taken a career break in the last couple of years for just health reasons and also just kind of reflect on, yeah, I have two decades of digital marketing, but is this what I really want to do? Just walking away from that was just a big identity shift because I used to just view myself as my career or as my different roles.

So when I was leaving my job and my taking a career break, my friend was like, OK, let's update your LinkedIn profile, but we'll talk about. Let's figure out how to word it so you know it. It doesn't look like like sabbatical. You're just out of a job, you know, and it gives you like a good opening for you to like come back when you're ready. So we're like brainstorming for 5 minutes. And after a while, I was like, you know what? I don't really care. Who cares how I narrate my story? Who cares how my LinkedIn universe?

Looks like to. View me and my break, I said. I know what I don't want to do. I don't care. You know, I'm taking a break. I'm taking a break. Yeah. And is that does that mean I retired after my MBA? Sure, that's all be it. So that's been very empowering to see my identity shift from just as a mom or a daughter or wife, as as a like a digital marketer or an entrepreneur to just Suha, just not labeling myself in any way has been such an amazing, powerful shift for me. Was that the question? Was that what you were?

Asking like what? Like no, the question was more like what do you or how would you describe your season that you are in today? So empowering and not really caring about labels is what I'm getting from. And that just translates to everything else in the season that I'm in. And I'm definitely in a softer season where I'm just looking at myself with a lot of empathy and compassion, doing therapy, you know, like moving my body in a way that is good for me instead of. What the society says. Getting into this certain size or I mean, which is great to look good and some cool outfits, but it's just it's been a big shift in how I view everything in life.

So I am loving this space I'm in. Nice. Good season. That's awesome. That's awesome. So you've built an impressive career, as you said, like for 20 years being in the executive level, you know, reaching that particular role in the job, but you've intentionally taken the career break. What parts of the corporate life or that job do you miss today? Just spending time with people. OK. I think deep down I'm just a curious person and not like it,

but I'm just genuinely curious about people, their lives, their motivations. You know, even as like a manager, I would always like know people's family story and just their backgrounds and what motivates them, what makes them sad, things like that. So I miss just the socializing part of corporate, you know, and also just just keeping up with the technology and the time, you know. So right now my interests have kind of spread out. I'm dabbling in like architecture, anthropology, world history and but it just turns out it all boils down to just my curiosity in people.

Sure. Yeah, no, that's that's awesome. So when things feel uncertain or like, I know, maybe not right now, but even sometimes, like when you take things day-to-day, when things feel uncertain, what inner qualities do you return to again and again? Just when I reflect on all the good and the bad decisions and things that I've done right and not so right it all it just comes down to me listening to my gut or not listening to my gut. So strong intuition. Very. And I don't think I trusted myself enough to kind of reach for it and trust it and listen to it.

And every time I haven't done that, it's definitely come come to bite me in the behind. OK. So now I truly trust my intuition and my gut. And if you want to say it in a fancier way or even just think about it, I have decided I don't do anything that's not in alignment with who I am. How do you measure? Like how do you look at it whether it's in alignment with you or not? It's intuition. It's like, does it feel right or does it not? And. So it's just more belief in yourself. Exactly. And it's also does it feel uncomfortable?

If though that's OK, It's it's just the different voices in my head telling me that you don't deserve it or you're not good enough. You know, those are the things that caused the uncomfortable. Like, oh, like if and you invited me to be on this, I was like, what do I have to say about strength? You know, and then you had to remind me. Actually, you do have some things to say. Then I go, that's right. But now I listen to my intuition more and go, is this going to help anyone in any way? Is this, you know, those are the things that align with who I am in my life.

OK, so so I just coupled my intuition with alignment and that's helped a lot. OK, that's good to know. That's good to know. Has your definition of success changed over time? For sure. You know, I mean, we're immigrants, right? Success meant again a fancy degree in like 3 or 4 career paths. You know the checklist, right? Exactly. That was success and also how my family viewed their daughter to be a success. Right. She has these degrees in this career, but she's married to the most amazing family and she's produced a few kids.

Yeah, right. That was success. I mean you have. All those check boxes, you know, now it's a completely different I, I really, I don't judge people anymore. I think I used to be like, oh, they went to this school. That's great. They must be successful. Now it's about are you doing things that is making you happy? And so success changes every day, right? Sure. That's all. And I tell my daughter the same thing. You know you, we're sending you to this nice private school, but doesn't mean that you have to go to an Ivy League school.

And that's not how you should define you should define success. We're just providing you the opportunities, but what you do with it, and if that's making you happy and if that means you don't even go to college, that's all. I will be unhappy deep down, but I'm not going to tell her that, you know? Coming from an immigrant family, an Indian family, and saying it's OK for you to not go to college, Oh my God, that's a big. I mean, I'm secretly happy that she's ambitious on her. Own. That's good, yeah.

Then my husband and I were like, we're trying to be woke here and she's being the nerd and like, every Indian parent's dream, so it helps. But yeah, I'm just joking. Jokes apart, I think success is just, am I happy doing what I am? That's it. So right now, I'm not working. And initially it was like, I'm not like producing an income. Being productive, right? Exactly. And so now I love my slow mornings and I'm productive in my own way. I'm not bored at all. Oh, that's, that's amazing. Yeah. That's amazing to hear, especially from a woman who's been like, I mean, like getting to that executive level is not easy.

I can totally imagine, like how much of, you know, work and effort and you must have put in and how busy your life or, you know, days and weeks were and moving from that to a slow morning itself takes a little bit of time for sure, right? Like, how long did it take for you to get away from that corporate grind? And, you know, like. I would say three to four months. Yeah, OK. So a lot of it was like my break was more health related. So it wasn't something I just decided, OK, like magically, you know, but it was also a good way for me to justify to myself.

OK, Yeah, sometimes you have to do this right. But until everyone's like, you're not going to last even like 3 months. But I'm fine, doing just fine. And because my definition of success and productivity has changed for sure. So I'm, I'm grateful. I am deeply grateful that financially I didn't have to worry, you know, if like if I were a single mom or if I had to, you know, pay the bills and worry about that, I think my life would have been a little bit different. But I don't think my definition of success would have changed.

As much. Exactly. OK, so you know, at that crucial part of your life, you chose to walk away. You chose to walk away from the abusive relationship and to kind of like, make your own path. So what helped you recognize that it wasn't serving you anymore, or the fact that it gave you the strength to come out of it? It's a good question. I, I think it was one of those I don't have a choice situations at that point. You know, looking back, I think I, I didn't have those choices. But again, it was just about, is this the life I envisioned for my daughter?

Is she going to be happy in this or not? For me, it was like that was the normal after several years of being with someone and the mental conditioning of like beating up every now and then. It's OK, you know, Yeah, overall things are good. Overall, it's a very successful person. Yeah, once in a while, meetings are OK. Kind of normalizing it, right? Yeah. Because that's what I was told was normal. But I think it's just something in once you're a mother, something just, you know, some fierce protective nature opens up.

And it went, I don't think this is what I want for her. If she were in this situation, what would I do? And, and I don't know how I got through it. Thinking back, you know, I am really amazed where I got the strength and the empowerment and just just I think just my nature is compartmentalizing. So I didn't really deal with what it was doing to me. And that time I just was go, go, go. How do we get through this? And day by day. Yes. And on day one I got a very good advice from someone who's been through that.

And she said things are going to get much worse before they get better, but they will get better. So I want you to envision what your life and your daughter's life will be 2-3 years from now and, and envision that every day. And just the mention of that was just such a relief for me. I was like, oh, things will actually get better. And so every day I would just like, imagine little things, you know, like, oh, we'll have our own little apartment. We'll have music, we'll dance, we'll talk to each other and she can do whatever she wants and I can eat whatever I want.

I can buy whatever I want. I'll be making my money and whatever I make will be mine. And I just kept envisioning this life 2-3 years down the road and I had my new checklist. I will buy a house, you know, I will have my own car, and we'll go to daycare. I'll send her to this school. And so that really got me through the tough times. And that also gave me the strength that, oh, there is a way out, you know, there is an option, and things will get better. Yeah. That is such a powerful thing. Like, yeah, right now, like people who are in the situation, they might think that there's no other option.

And it's really difficult to think ahead, but making yourself envision life a few years away for. Sure. Yeah. And now that I'm remarried, this is what people think as my success. And what? Getting remarried. Forward too. Yeah, right. So I really have to be like clarify and go no, yeah, not at all. This was just a nice bonus and a nice addition. I I had to get to a place where I was complete on my own. There was nobody coming to. Rescue. You rescue. Me or complete me, you know, it's and I I don't believe in forever anymore and I tell my husband the same.

Thing. And it's not like we can walk away from this if it doesn't serve us anymore. That just seems like kind of a bad way to look at things. Like I'm only focused on my selfish thing, and if you're not serving that need, I'm going to cut you off. It's not like that. But if neither of us aren't happy. Yeah, it doesn't make sense it. Doesn't make sense. And so let's just not hold on to that forever mindset and to see us as two complete individuals and if we can build something better, yes. And if it's not working out, we don't have to be stuck.

And I think that's such an important lesson to teach our children. Oh, no, yeah, that's such an amazing mindset to have. Right? Like it's not like you're not, you're not grateful for what you have, but that doesn't mean that you'll break apart if you don't have that like you did with your earlier relationship. And it's a kind of maturity that I had hoped we would have, you know, when you're going into your very first relationship. But you know, the other day I was actually, I think I, I heard this dialogue in Hindi.

It said it was funny in the sense like what it says is Agar dotin BA relationship methokar naikai kya to life MCSE Jia. So basically what it means is like, if you haven't been, you know, beaten in two or three relationships, have you even lived? But that's life, right? Like it's not like from the get go or the very first relationship you get into is going to be all rose, roses and bed of roses. I tell my daughter she needs to date several guys, live with one for 2-3 years before deciding to come in.

Yeah, you know, and it's, it's against everything. And let me tell. And let me tell you, living with a guy is not always a guarantee either. Yeah. That's true. I know. Hey, Exhibit. A Even before marriage, I'm telling you that's. True. That's very true. Yeah. You don't. You don't. I mean, that's the thing. People change and evolve. Yeah. And evolve the other way, too. And things come up, you know, So you only have yourself to count on. Yeah. You know, someone asked me recently. She's an immigrant mom.

Her daughters are in their early 20s in the dating world, like to figure out. And she's like, how did you know when it was right? Like you. Don't. Yeah, my current marriage. And how did you figure it out? And So what advice do you have? And I said no, it's just your fate. Yeah. Who you end up with and what that person? There's there's a lot of luck involved in this. They might meet someone later later and you know, decide to leave you. They might die on you. You just never know. And so I said, teach your daughters to just trust themselves.

They only have themselves. Yeah. And so whatever life throws at them, you just need to teach them to be resilient. And as long as you are alive, you can just remind them there's always a safe space to come home to. No judgement. Yeah. No question. Says like, what did you do? You know, And that's all we can do. Yeah. I mean, I think it's also like

there's a lot of mindset difference, right? Like if like you take into consideration Americans or Europeans versus what does Indians kind of like think about? Like for us, a relationship is once, once, once you're married, that's it. No matter what you are like literally tied to that person. It's evolving now and it's kind of like getting a little better. But even now it you still it's an uphill battle. Yeah, for sure. Whereas here, a failure of a relationship is just that, a failure of a relationship.

That's it. And it's not like the be all and all kind of a thing. I know which is so important to remember. Exactly. Like for me it was like, well, if my spouse had cancer of if they lost a limb, would I leave them? No. So I should also not leave a person because of their mental health, you know, And only when it came to a dangerous physical situation for me and my daughter did I go, oh wait. This is not right. Because until then it was like Patti Patni, like, you know. You're a unit to this. You're a unit no matter what.

Exactly. And that no matter what, just it should not be a selfish thing, you know? It's just it needs to be with respect mutually. And it's a lot me. Respect is a lot more important than love in the relationship, for sure. I mean, it's OK to, like, be in love and date and all, but I think marriage should be a very cerebral decision. You are really thinking with your brain and feeling with your heart. Yeah. You know, Yeah. So which I think is evolving in our culture. And what? It's definitely is evolving so slower pace I would say because even now I think we're lucky that we live here where the shame or whatever that they call of being divorced is not I know seen on you, but it's still shameful.

Yeah, back in India for. Sure, for sure. I think there are more. Even in India, more couples are getting divorced. So it's gotten a little bit more more common, I would say. But it's still kind of like not in our society or, you know, not in our families. And you know, it's again the smaller pockets of life. For sure, and even the people that live here and you're seemingly your friends. Now that I'm remarried, a lot of people forget what I've been through, right? Or just my history. Not right, even if they don't know the entire story and people when they talk to me about another a single person.

But she's the divorced 1, isn't she? Or something like that. Yeah, you know, like in a bad. Negative way that you know negative labels. That's the label like, oh, or if they're talking about somebody else, they would be like, they got remarried. Yeah, it's a. It's a big. So did I it? Was a big gossip thing. Even like, yeah, people that are young, that have lived in this country for a long time, they were like, well educated, well travel. Mindset is mindset. Mindset is mine. Oh definitely. It's like, as they say, right, Like you can't get the people out of the country, but you cannot get it out of their mind unless they want to change they.

Want to change? Yeah. Which I was super impressed with my husband when I met him because he was what I consider a fob, you know, like with his accent and with his dressing and things like that. But just his mindset was so refreshing when I would try to label myself. And he was like, why, you know, and he's still that way. And he surprises me and impresses me with just these little things. So I don't think it's about like where you live or how long he lived somewhere. It's really about even he recognized, oh, there are things like my family's still like very into caste and things like that.

I choose to not be that way. You know, he, even though he grew up in that, he had to recognize and walk away, which I love and yeah, which I want. I want me to be that way too. Yeah, like that self-awareness, right? Like it's, yeah, no, I get that a lot because our society, our culture hasn't been 100% perfect. Like no culture is, no society is. But the growth, in my opinion, growth is about not just being proud stupidly of your culture, but recognizing, OK, what is it? There were certain things that were right and there were certain things that were wrong.

They worked as per the time. So do you choose to recognize that? Be self aware about it and grow from there is what in my opinion is the most way of being mature. Yeah. And and we have the best opportunity for that. Yeah. We live in this country. And so we can definitely take bits and pieces from our travel. Yeah. And even the world is becoming so global, Yeah. You know, And we get to interact with people from all over the world. We can definitely take the good and the bad behind and even accept that maybe our culture isn't the best in everything.

Yeah. You know, that doesn't take away from our patriotism or anything. Yeah. You know, exactly. No, I, I totally agree. I'm 100% agreement there for sure. Yeah. What was the one belief that you had to unlearn in order to rebuild yourself? I think I did not have good clarity on what loyalty meant, and that's something I had to unlearn. So loyalty, respect, love, all those things need to be a continuous thing instead of just, oh, I was loyal to you at one point, I gave you something at one point, so I get to be toxic.

So setting boundaries with your. Exactly. So setting boundaries of what is and is not acceptable to me and

kind of setting those boundaries every day and expecting people to respect that has been a game changer for me. And it's also been a hard lesson in strength because it's easy to walk away from a relationship that's very clearly not working for you. But as far as the toxic people that you love and those that love you, it's, it's been really hard to set those boundaries and kind of demand that respect. It definitely respect goes both ways, right? And so that's been a difficult lesson to unlearn and kind of redo.

OK, Yeah, I can see. Yeah. Like, so in India, right. Like boundaries are completely unheard of, especially for women. Like when before you're married, when you're a kid, you're like, you have to do whatever your parents tell you to, whether it's right or wrong. And once you're married, it all transfers to your husband or your in laws. So the agency is something that's never yours, yours exactly. And so and when you try to force that boundaries on your loved ones, those it's the most difficult over there, right?

Like where it's a boundary that you decided for yourself, for your mental peace or your mental health, and enforcing them with your fat loved ones is the most difficult. Yeah. And then it's like when someone says you've changed. That is a very like bad thing to say. Whereas now I go. I sure hope so. Yeah, you. Know, but in the past if someone says you've changed so much I would be so upset like Oh no. Yeah. You know, but that's how you're conditioned. Yeah. Growing up, it's like changing is a bad thing.

Yeah. You're supposed to be a certain way, and that's comfortable for everything. Yeah, yeah. And so kind of challenging those. Norms. Societal Norms. Yeah, that's been an interesting process for sure. OK, well, you know, that's fair enough. Yeah. How did that experience like unlearning that, change the relationship with yourself? Oh, that is a very good question. That's something I had to address in therapy quite a bit because I think for me, unlearning and doing things a different way, it also meant that the same people were taking up real estate in my head.

Except it was the reverse, where I'm thinking, oh, I am woke. I'm doing good because this is how they did it, and I'm not doing it this way. And when one day my therapist challenged me and said, you're still thinking about them. Yeah. And whatever you do is kind of having them as the baseline. How about you start deciding and thinking, what would I do? What would Suha do without anyone's influence, our de influence? And so that took a lot of just trusting myself again, believing myself, thinking, OK, hey, I'm I know what I'm doing.

I've been through enough life experiences to realize what's working and what's not working. And this is how I want to live my life. This is how I want to parent. These are my boundaries in my marriage, in my like the family that I'm born into and the family I'm married into. This is how I will conduct myself with my friendships and these are my boundaries. So I am not going to say I've mastered it. I struggle with it quite a bit, especially because it's all matters of the heart mixed up with all this too, right?

You can't. But I think that's helped me a lot and just removing everyone from the equation. Just even like people. I don't want to be like, like, I'm trying not to even think about anyone. Yeah. How would Suhar do this, you know? That's amazing. Yeah, that requires a lot of self reflection to kind of like even decouple yourself with everybody else and just focus on yourself, right? Sure. I mean this, this career break I took to figure out what I want to do as far as next steps with my career because I've done digital marketing and things because it's what I've known, it's what I've been good at and it just kind of I just went on this path I never passed.

I think is this what I really? Want. And so reflecting on those things has also helped me reflecting on who am I as a person, you know, am I living in alignment with who I truly AM? And this is what I really want to do. Yeah. So it's been a nice side effect. That's that's cool. What surprised you most about the healing process? I know it's a continuous kind of like it's not like, OK, I'm healed and I'm done kind of a thing. It's more of a a journey, right? What surprised you most on while you've been on this journey?

It's how many loved ones I've had to lose. Yeah, that's a tough one. Yes, because you just think you're you're born and you accrue a certain number of friends and amazing like loved ones and you love them and it's kumbaya to the end. Yeah, you know, yeah. So like a divorce is something it's easy for the mind to wrap itself around because that person came in the middle. And he lived. And things didn't work out and it's a legal thing and you're walking away but emotionally divorcing your beliefs and your relationships and your expectations and also just walking away from all the toxic people because once your eyes are open.

Yeah, you see everybody. Cannot Unsee these things. So it's been sad and surprising because there are people that I never thought. You'd lose. I would lose. I have chosen to walk away and lose and have, like harsher boundaries, which, you know, doesn't always go over very well with our people, as you said. Yeah. So that's been the surprising part. OK. Yeah, OK. Fair enough. Yeah, Yeah. What does safety, emotional or otherwise, mean to you today? Safety is just being at peace with who I am, who I am with, where I am.

That is safety for me now. It's just being at peace, at peace and being free. There's nothing like freedom and peace, OK? Like I would do anything for for those two things. OK. Yeah. Yeah. No, definitely. Yeah. So what are you most proud of? Like, not on paper, like the degrees and all, as you said, yeah, you have that. But what? But in your heart, what are you most proud of today? Kind of marching to the. Beat of your own drum. My own drum and finally being able to feel comfortable doing that, yeah.

And say it's OK. Being comfortable in your own skin right, exactly. You know, it's, it's, it's so surprising when to men, when we say these kinds of statements and they're like, why, why aren't you comfortable in your own skin? And I'm like, come live a life like us, like live a life in our shoes and then you'll understand. And it's surprising that it took us 4 decades to get to for. Sure, for sure. To get to the stage. Where we're at least recognizing that, hey, that is true. Probable. Yeah, yeah, I'm a recovering a people pleaser.

Oh, tell me about it. Welcome to the club. That's We were friends. So that is something I'm super proud of or I want to be proud of, I might I say, because like we said, it's still ongoing and I do feel guilt sometimes and I do miss some of those old aspects where life was easier. When you take a stand and you walk away from things, it's you're choosing the path less chosen and walked. On the hard path. It's a lonely path. And so just being OK able to say, hey, I'm OK with that because now I'm living in alignment with who I am.

Yeah. Nice, awesome. So for someone listening to this podcast who might be feeling stuck or unsure, what would you advise them? So like when I began my healing journey, I guess I would say like in my early 30s or so, one of the first quotes I read was the universe will keep teaching you the same lessons until you learn what it's trying to tell you. And I didn't make a lot of sense back then, but I've thought about it a lot and I think about it quite often. And so if someone's feeling stuck, it's like, what is the universe?

Trying to tell. You and why are you not able to, you know, so it's not even the actual problem at hand that is making you feel stuck. Like there's something deep down going on that you're choosing to stay stuck, you know, and I think it's important for women to know that there are options. There are, there's a choice. And just again, just going back to just trust your intuition, trust yourself. You only have yourself at the end of the day. OK, OK, so let's switch up a little bit here. OK, rapid fire questions.

All right, What's your favorite book?

Depends on what I'm reading at the moment. You know, OK, you don't have a favorite book for, like, ever. No, because OK. I think as I'm changing, what I consider good or favorite has also changed. So what are you currently reading? I I'm not reading anything at the moment but I'm about to start a book. It's a self help book. I forgot the name Anger. OK, sorry no that's OK, I have to edit this but I can look it up. That's OK, Yeah, OK. What's your favorite song?

There's a Bombay movie. There's a hula gula song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a very empowering song, but packaged in a very fun way that's meant for kids, yeah. The lyrics are pretty empowering, right? Halla Gula. But it's just kind of fun and Penny so I I used to sing it to my daughter when I was pregnant. Oh, OK. And I don't know how it stuck, but even now if if she needs to be comforted, she'll be like, can you sing Hallagulla? Oh nice. And so one day I said, I want you to listen to the actual song because it's amazing.

And she's like, no. She doesn't want that. I don't ever want to know what the real version. The real version. OK, that's cool. And I the lyrics are something I tell myself to a lot of those things. So yeah, I mean, I only know it in Tamil type. Yeah, I know it in the Hindi version of it, but yeah, yeah. OK, OK. What's your favorite quotation?

This too shall pass. Yes, OK, Favorite movie? Yeah, I have several across the board. I would say. I just have varied interest and also just about what season of life I'm in. I like romantic Tamil movies that are kind of light like Mani Ratna movie Gautam do. You know, Gautam? Yeah, yeah, for sure. I love that guy. I don't know people. Yeah, he does do that. Some cinematic love really well, Yeah. For. Sure. And just I guess with like Hollywood, I like the unique ones, like Catch Me If You Can Truman Show old ones like Pleasantville.

OK. What is that one movie where he just keeps running Run Forest? Run, Forest. Run. Yeah, yeah. What's it called? Is that 1 Forrest Gump? Forrest Gump, I love that movie. So it's just kind of across the board, I guess. OK, that's cool. What's your greatest fear?

I've I've been into like a few near death experiences right? And just like auto accidents and health stuff and my biggest fear is leaving my loved ones behind and what they would do without me. OK. Classic Type A personality. What's the courageous thing you've done in life so far? Most courageous thing is, I mean that's, I feel like that's. That's been that kind. Of episode episode of this podcast is just trying to find who I am and walking away from everything that's not yeah. OK, what's your philosophy of life today?

Live and let live. You do you. OK, Yeah. Thank you Suha for trusting us with your story and strength. This conversation is a reminder that strength isn't loud. It's the courage to, you know, choose yourself. Even when it's hard. Even when it's lonely. Healing doesn't happen all at once, but every honest step forward matters. Absolutely. So if this episode resonated with you, know this. You are not weak for wanting safety, peace or freedom. You are brave for listening to yourself. Until next time, this is Portraits of Strength.

A quick shout out to today's sponsor, Sri Krishna Jewellers. With over 50 years of craftsmanship, they are now serving the Dallas community from Frisco, TX. If you have someone special worth celebrating, check out their collection at srikrishna.com or call them at 430-231-1111.

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