Choosing Joy: A Mother, a Son, and the Dance That Saved Her with Sarika Nayak

0:05 So I'm more spiritual by nature and dance has made me bad.

0:13 When you really want something and you throw it out in the universe, something just makes it fall in place.

0:21 I think when days are bad, it's bad. Let's be honest about it. Like I think I never left dance that's and I think it was mutual dance never left me.

1:13 Hi, everybody. Welcome back to Portraits of Strength, a podcast where everyday people share the extraordinary stories that shape their lives. I'm your host, Harry the Anecdotist, and I'm really glad you're spending this time with me today. Today on Portraits of Strength, I'm honored to introduce a woman whose life is a testament to resilience, joy, and unwavering optimism. Sarika Nayak Sarika called Salt Lake City home, where she wears many hats with grace. A devoted mom, an IT professional, community builder and storyteller.

1:51 Through movement as a mother to a child with autism, she has navigated the complexities of parenting with courage and a radiant spirit, turning everyday challenges into sources of strength. But Sarika's story doesn't stop its strength in the face of adversity. Dance has been the pulse of her life since childhood. Trained for over a decade in classical Indian dance form called Odyssey and fluent in the expressive joy of Bollywood choreography, she brings energy, culture, and community wherever she dances in Utah.

2:29 Sarika is a vibrant force in the Bolly Pop dance community, inspiring students of all ages with her stamina, creativity, and infectious positivity. In this conversation, we dive into what it takes to be a parent of an autistic child, the power of passion as a source of resilience, and how Sarika's boundless optimism fuels her life, her art, and her parenting journey. Sarika, it's an honour to be on for you to be on this episode with me. Thank you Harita for inviting such an amazing opportunity. So let's get started at the beginning.

3:08 Tell me a little bit you know, about your childhood, like what kind of a kid you were growing up. Oh, I was a super naughty, super hyperactive and a very happy child. Of course, like I'm the second one I have. We have, we have two siblings, My elder sister, she's like about six years elder to me. Oh, OK, so. You're just like me and my sister. I'm I'm the older 1 and I have a younger sister so you. Can imagine so. I think the younger kids are the younger children or the youngest. Youngest in the family is always born with energy.

3:40 They get pampering from their sisters, from their parents, and they just grow up being happy child. And I think that's very organic. So yeah, very happy childhood. I was always into dance, so I started dancing since I was three. Oh, wow. OK, so. I started learning Odyssey. Odyssey Yeah, OK, so my mom, I was so active, so active at home. So my mom is like she she needs something to channelize her energy, otherwise you all will go mad. So me getting into dance was an experiment. So mom just sent me to classical dance.

4:15 And Odyssey is like super famous in Odessa in A and it's like every other house goes to learn Odyssey. So she just sent me to the school and I just got hooked by it from the age of 3. So yeah, that's how I my journey with Odyssey began. Dance began and it's been it's been amazing so far. OK. And so you grew up in Bhubaneswar all your life and you did everything OK. Yes, I was born brought up in Bhubaneswar. It's again a coastal area, lot of temples, culturally super rich. So yeah, with grown up with those vibes where Odyssey is very natural and telling stories about through your dance is very, very appreciated everywhere.

5:02 So that's that's how my childhood has been. How were you as a kid, like as in when you were doing your bachelor's, you know, your undergrad and like you were in college and all of that, how were you? I was like, as I told you, like I, I think some people are just born with energy and they are, they are always there to make other people happy. So I always love being part of my college gangs and having pranks and give and dancing for hours for my friends and making all kind of things which would make them happy.

5:38 But in that journey, I realized I'm just made for being with people. So I've always been surrounded by people, by friends and that's how my childhood and my college has been. It's been always fun times. Nice. That's that's amazing. So were there like, I think you've already answered this like, but did your mom see just the energy or did she see that you actually had an affinity to to dance that she actually put you in the dance versus could have been a sport or anything else, right? But did she see an affinity or does she have an affinity to dance?

6:14 That yeah, she, she's also like, I think people from West Bengal and Orissa and a lot of a lot of parts of India, they love singing, art, singing and art, painting, dancing. So my mom has always been inclined towards craft. OK, So yeah, one thing was she wanted to channelize my energy, get some discipline in life and, you know, also also be spiritual because a lot of kids who don't connect being religious, they actually connect being spiritual. So she saw that that could be a good way for me to, you know, learning about all these mythological stories through dance and getting those positive aspects to your own life.

6:56 So she saw that and she experimented. Luckily I got a very nice guru who's still my guru and he he played a big role in shaping up my dance journey and also converting me from super hyperactive child to be a spiritual child. So I'm more spiritual by nature, and dance has made me that That's. That's nice to hear. So before motherhood, right? How did you imagine your life unfolding? Like what dreams or expectations did you carry into adulthood? I was a very I was a very, very I think I'm still I am a very free spirited person.

7:40 So I. Love to yeah, I can see that totally I I, I feel that kindredness, you know and then. Very inclusive to try things and you know, I'll be like I'll be the first one who'll go for bungee jumping or you know, skydiving and all those. I'm a very free spirited person so getting into adulthood again was like a little bit confusing. But because when you have so much adrenaline rush in your brain to do so many things, it's very difficult to calm down and stick to one thing. But luckily with parents support and I have amazing partner so with his support we try to channelize the life in a better way, good way shape it up.

8:25 So always did started doing good things and invested time in those good things for a good amount of time. So like dance I used to every day, I used to at least dance 2 to 3 hours a day. Getting into my academics, like practicing for different kind of things in my academics field, all those having like setting a discipline around, all those work helped me to actually achieve my goals. But I definitely wanted to be a dancer. But coming from a middle class family in India which always believes that you cannot make dancers your career, it cannot.

9:02 There's not as much money there as much in a, you know, career. You have to. I think every other Indian girl will relate to it. It's like you have to finish your academics, you get a nine to five job, you get married and after that do whatever you want. It's. A big checklist it's. A big checklist. So no, it my story is no different. I was part of that checklist and but but somewhere inside me, I always wanted to dance, Keep dancing, teaching. Also experiment with dance. Those kind of things was buried deep within my heart.

9:37 So after I got married, I moved to Bangalore. I got to part of like few amazing troops in Bangalore who were also practicing dance and those were all professionals, IT professionals or working in different fields in their life. But they had good organizing places where they just practice dance. So I could be part of those organizations and performed and practiced with them and then continued with my odyssey. So apart from all that I had in life, I think I never left dance. That's and I think it was mutual dance never left me.

10:14 Yeah. So, so that that was like that was the big thing which kept me always going. That's nice. That's nice. So can you take us back to the moment you first learned that you're, you know, your child is autistic? Yeah. What did that that time in your life feel like, you know, emotionally, mentally? Yeah, So I as I'd very, I'm always a happy person, looking like always positive side of things. Even if I'll be crying for a day, the next day I'll be like up and running, I'll be good. I think I'm gifted in a way where God just heals me or something just heals me very fast and I don't know what is that.

10:58 I'm still searching for that answer. How can I get healed so fast? What is that? What is that magic which is there in me and not in others that that question. I think I'll be in search of that question for a long time. But coming back to your question, I moved to Utah in 2014 and my son was an year old. He was born like absolutely normal child and super good looking. He's still a very handsome guy, but and he was he he was one when we came here and suddenly when he was 1 1/2 years, we started seeing symptoms where he was not responding to his name.

11:39 He lost his eye contact. He was he once he started crying, he just used to cry, cry for two to three hours non-stop and like having really bad meltdowns. So we, we definitely thought that was something wrong. And when we got him diagnosed with autism, he was about to and that's the first time we heard this word called as autism because I was in my own world and and also not aware of this particular neurological disorder. And once I learnt about it, everything around me started crushing. That's the first time I felt depressed in life since from the time I was born only was that moment where the doctor started explaining about autism.

12:30 And when he used words like, OK, these kids might hit each like hit their head, bang their head, they might just not learn anything. They might, they might just be in their own world. They'll always be in a rabbit hole. And so the, the intention of the doctor was, was, was to make us understand what's the intensity or what's the spectrum of this disorder so that we could do all the best for my son Rayansh to kind of develop. But his intention was not to hurt me. But just listening to those words and the symptoms and learning about the spectrum was super crushing.

13:08 I felt like my whole world just crashed down there. That was the first time I felt low in life. Nothing could just heal me. I used to sleep for hours together, not wake up. I I stopped talking to people. I I stopped calling people and I stopped sharing basically. And my husband had the same experience. So we were like 3 people quite in the house and just knowing. Emotions with your own self. And no support, No, because we just came here so we don't have anyone physically near us, right? Even to explain over a telephonic conversation what I'm going through was super hard for me.

13:48 And then the other time I'll not stop talking. So it was that was the time when I realized, like, you know, I don't know why God, this did this to me. Like why this has happened to me. And when I love kids the most, like I am, I like anything happens in my family, everyone will leave their kids with me. And I think it still happens. Like, why did God did this to me? Like, why did this happen to me? So that question was again and again and again was just surfacing my brain, my mind, my heart, my soul.

14:21 And I I couldn't just just like stop thinking about it. Yeah. So that was super crush, like super, super disheartening time of my life. But somehow as as as the spiritual power, I say that something will near you doesn't want you to go down. Something will happen which will get you back on track. So that's the time I when I realized this is not going to heal over a day. It might take some time to figure out what's going to be best for my son. So in that time, what do I do to keep my mental health intact?

15:02 How do? If he's crying and he sees me in crying, then what will he Even if he has 1% of chance to learn anything, what will he learn? Because he himself is crying and irritated with things and he doesn't. He's not processing and he's also seeing me doing the same thing. That's the moment I realized that, you know, even if I in my heart or in my brain, I'm feeling something else. I have to portray a happy individual to my son. And, and then what could I do to be happy? And the only best friend I had is dance.

15:36 So that's how I, I started again dancing in Utah in 2015. I used to live in Sugar House, a small apt, 2 bedrooms and there was a recreation centre there. So I was, so I used to go there for my fitness classes And the instructor said, why don't you start something Bollywood here? Like, you know, we, we love Bollywood, we watch sing and they were fans of Priyanka Chopra. I was like, OK, I think I can do that. And then I just put it out in social media that hey. And mostly I was expecting Sugar House area people to come and there were a lot of people going for fitness there.

16:14 And that's how my Bollywood teaching started in Utah. And the first class I did and I came back home, I was a different person altogether. I disconnected from from my son's autism, from my husband's mental health, from my from being away from parents. I disconnected with everything. I danced, I gave my heart out, I teached, I told about Bollywood, I told about some fantastic famous stories in Bollywood and all the kind of variety we have and all the smiles that I saw in the class. The curiosity, OK, what are you going doing next?

16:53 We are coming back next week. So what are you doing? So that actually I came back, I was like, wow, I was able to disconnect and then I started fresh at home. OK, what do I need to call this therapist? I need to go to this doctor. I need to take Ryu for a walk. And my plan was like, set. So then I don't know where that instructor came from. How did this idea struck? So that's why I love all these spiritual energy. Talks about spiritual energy. When you really want something and you throw it out in the universe, something just makes it fall in place.

17:29 Everything will work out. Exactly. So that's how that was my lowest moment. And also, you know, also things happened which helped me to come out of that moment. So that's how the journey started. And by God's grace, it's it's just every single year I just meet new people, build community with dance, represent my culture, meet different people who have come with different diverse backgrounds. They share their culture with me. I'm part of so many special need groups and meet, meet parents who are, you know, mom of two autistic kids, three blind Childs, one with autism, one with ADHD.

18:12 Like they're dealing with so many than myself. So I get strength from there. They and the community has been so amazing. So strength, there's given me so much strength to come out of that. So it took time, but over a course of like maybe three to four years where I got really strong and now it's like nothing, nothing can move me from being happy. The whole goal of my life is to be happy, is to be with my son and also make him happy, right? So my whole, the everyday, my goal is Reyu goes back to bed happy.

18:50 Like he wakes up happy, goes back happy. That's the thing. Yeah. And start making small goals like traveling goals with him. We both will go for basketball, coaching, swimming, all these things special. Take all the kind of help I get right. So and all those are really making me as a better person. So when you spiritually think about you know these things, you feel that you know someone is in your life has come as a son to make you a better person. You are everyday planning, organising because he's there in your life.

19:26 Maybe I would have been again a very non channelised, hyperactive without any goals person if he's not in my life. That's how you see it. As exactly so everyday I Thai I everyday the day passes every day I realize Ryanch is in my life to make me as a better person. God will never come. My mom, who has been away from me for such a long years, like your parents were not there. And every individual deals with their own thing. But Ryanch has just come for me. So that gives you more strength and always like.

20:02 So yeah, I feel every special need parent looks. At this goal or this vision, in a way. OK. No, that is, that is such a that's a such a unique way of looking at things, right? Like for sure. So what were some of the fears or questions or uncertainties that you faced early on, like when you got to know that Ryansh is on the autistic spectrum? I think I think like it's not only me, but every special need parents and coming from India, a country with 2 billion people, we always fight for survival. We have to go to academic in this age.

20:46 We have to complete this in this age, we have to stand in in a certain percentage score we have to make in our academic. So all these checklist has I have grown up with those are like in my brain. So the first fear is obviously that he is not exactly, exactly he's he's he's neurodivergent, he's not neurotypical. So he will never meet the milestones. He will walk late, he will hold the pencil late, he will write late, he will read late, he will talk late. He will not have friends, he will not copy from friends.

21:18 How other kids learn. He will always take that was your first exactly. Not meeting milestones is I think not only mine, every special need parent, they will not meet the milestones And that's what happens. And that is what you have to prepare yourself that is not happening. And there is a reason for why it is not happening. And then you have to basically understand like if you have to meet milestones, then you make a plan for it and it's a neurotypical will earn it, earn that milestone in a year and Ryan will do it in four years.

21:52 But that's fine, that's fine. So so. But you have to. Reimagine the entire time. Exactly, and I think the toughest part is accepting that yourself and telling that to others, like explaining this to my mom or your parents or your in laws or your friends. Like, you know, sometimes because you, you every parent loves to tell good things about their kid. Like sometimes, oh, my son has come first in swimming and you know, in dancing. So I don't I did not want to be different. I was like, OK, this is like 4 years he will meet this, but he's doing so many other things there.

22:28 So showing his positive side to the community is a challenge, But I think that's what we need. We keep learning. OK. So like reimagining, like coming to terms with the timeline and reimagining it. Exactly. Because it's not. It's not the same for every kid, and it is. It's vastly different for a neurodivergent. Exactly so and then also understanding their strength, what their strength is in like Reyu loves water. So can he be a swimmer in future? Reyu is very photogenic. Can he be a model in future?

23:05 And I'll be there with him going to his shoots or taking him to swim classes or so. Those are the things if you, if you adapt and if you, if you nail on, then really the other things will not matter. So and and that journey is not easy. As I say, it's difficult. It might take 3. In my case, it took four years for me to mentally prepare, be strong, be there, that even that whole thing that I don't care about this world and therefore you, you are there for me and we'll make it happen. Yeah, that's the that's the whole statement.

23:41 You'll take four to five years to kind of be there and really live by that statement. So now I live by that statement and we that made things easier. So even if there are there every day it will not be same. So there will be meltdowns. As they say, right? Like things don't get easier, you become stronger. Exactly, exactly. And then that's the way that's the and I feel that's the way also community learns from you for sure. Like so I feel that now I'm saying like so many people in my class Monday class, there are so many comeback moms from pregnancy.

24:18 They stop dancing and after after their pregnancy their body feels lethargic and they don't want to like they are like I mean out of. The body has taken a being by growing a human and then bringing a human. Out exactly. Like I always used to compare the pregnant body as a body on like it's like a building under construction. Exactly. So they are like so, so many comeback moms in my class, so many people who want like, OK, I'm really worried, stressed with all that going in my IT life. And so every, everywhere, all those people I meet and I feel so happy, nice.

24:56 And once that exchange. This is Sarka. We loved being in your class. And. Oh, this was so fun today. And then I drive back home with that smile. Oh, everyone is so happy. Nice. And then I go and I meet Rayanj. Hi, Rayanj. I'm not like that sad person who's, like, thinking of. OK, I've logged out at 5:00. Now I have to do my dinner and all that stuff, right? Yeah. So I think everyone needs that spark in that life. And it doesn't come easily, but when it comes, it's just very beautiful. Nice. Awesome.

25:29 So yeah, actually you touched upon this, right? Like, you know, parenting, first of all, parenting, whether it's parenting kids, normal kids, parenting is a full time job in itself and it doesn't come with a manual. But like parenting an autistic kid often requires a different kind of resilience, right? Like and then how has your? Definition of strength changed. Overtime after like let's say in the last few years that you, you said, I mean, obviously it takes time for anybody to come overcome something like that.

26:07 Yeah. So how does how what, what was your definition of strength before? Yeah. And how did it change? Yeah, I think of course, like I feel now I'm the strongest woman of this universe and everyone, everyone after they are a parent, they realize like this is the most difficult job you do apart from your academics or giving any exams or going to office or any kind of professional work. Parenting is the most of us job. Yeah. So being a parent of special need child, again, sometimes things are God gifted they God chooses a family or there is a there is a spiritual energy chooses a family for the child to come into that person's life.

26:56 Because because only that person can be resilient. Only that person can shower that much of love to that child. When someone is not calling you mummy for two years, three years, four years and just sees you and smile and then you have to be happy with that. That should be rewarding with you. But how many parents or how many individuals can do that? So it doesn't it, it doesn't come with a year, But then as and when you train your year, train your brain, train your mind, and you are making this person from scratch.

27:30 This person is having a problem. This child is having a problem. But you are you gave birth to this to give a better, you know, world to this child. And you are the only world for this child because this child is having difficulty getting into the other norms. So when you realize that like, OK, you are the only person who can give make this child a better like under make this child understand this is a good world. You will do good, you will prosper and I'm there. That's that's when you start making connection.

28:03 And once you do that more and more every day over the years, then you become resilient. And when you when you see rewarding parts of those plans or efforts, like right now when Reyansh writes my name or when he when he gets some PT exercise, some award in his school and he comes running and giving his certificate to me. Or when when I say, oh, wow, Reyansh, this is such a good job. And he gives me a hug, gets up in the morning, first thing, he'll look for me and give me a kiss. So those rewarding things actually increases the power of your resiliency as well.

28:43 OK, then you like, OK, I have reached here. If I put more effort or if I continue with my discipline, then Ryan just definitely improve and definitely getting into a better world. So I think realizing your plan for your child, which is a which is a challenge for every parent is a journey. And then once you once your plan starts working, then your resilience, you you become resilient. Your strength comes within you. And that's why I say mothers have the best strength. They are doing so good even in other other professionals, like when when mothers are making plan, no one questions.

29:22 They are multitaskers and they have proven again and again they can do it. So so yeah, that so it's just it's just difficult, takes more time. But once you get that award, your resiliency is just increasing to that Infinity path.

29:40 As you said, there are days that are easy that there, but there are days that are difficult that are probably testing you as a parent and as a person. Yeah. What helps you to keep showing up on the hardest of days? Yeah, that's a very, very interesting question.

30:04 I think when days are bad, it's bad. Let's be honest about it. Like we all might cry, we all might shout, we all might get into a fight, we all might constantly debate with our own body and mind. Like, you know why? Why are we in this difficult situation? What are we doing wrong or why aren't others in this situation? Why is it me? Why is it me is a great question. Like it's always like that, like but but I think the moment you realize that there's gonna be days like this and you actually think about the rewards which you have got, you know, by going through this journey.

30:56 So now when you know, there there are times when I'm fed up at home, I'm a little bit frustrated. Like, okay, things for Rayanj didn't work. He's not having a good day at at work. At my work, I had some projects which are not working and there have been personal things going on. Of course, you are having that, that thing in your brain that, hey, The thing is not going good at me and I'm super frustrated. But then if we find a way where we can channelize our frustration or a space, some people actually meditate and throw it out of the universe.

31:33 Like why is it me is the most asked question to the universe? Definitely That's right. And then they we always get that answer. Like OK, if you do that again and again and again consistently with this discipline and increase your time and then you will get your answer yourself. Why is it you? So same thing for me. I always and I said by God's grace, I had this had this thing called as dance with me. So I just super frustrating day, but I do my dance project, walk into the class, hug the kids, get into like different kind of creative conversations with the community, the dance community and I totally forget what has happened.

32:15 So dance is your form of meditation? Exactly. Exactly. And then I come back and I, it actually resets me. So if you see everyone who there's a lot of people and there's a lot of statistics also, which has proved that if you have something in your life that is really your passion and you use that passion again and again and again, that will just reset you. You'll always start from the scratch again. It's like OK, so they'll so I feel. It's that flow state that you have to get into. Exactly. Some people for, sometimes for me, it's like either writing or sometimes just editing on my pictures, or some days it's just like I just want to go and kickbox my way out of this thing, you know?

33:00 Depends. Depends. Yeah. Or like talking to a friend who's always there for you. But I feel when people don't realize, you know, on those states, they just want to close down, that is the wrong thing to do. So it was like, either you go and be with your passion, be with the person who's always there for you or like you, as you said, like be a pick up a creative space and disconnect from everything what's happening. So I feel those are the ways to actual have a good mental health, like a healthy mental health in a because again, being a human being, you'll always come across UPS, downs, frustrations and it's.

33:42 Hard. I heard this somewhere. I really loved it. It's like when you look at the heart rate monitor, right? Yeah. It's the ups and downs that tell that the person is. Alive. If it is flat, he's dead. He's dead. Very beautiful. So it's like life is that if you have the ups and downs, it means that you are actually living your life. If it was a routine, monotonous thing, you are just surviving. Surviving. Yes, yes, very true. This is such a beautiful example I take back with me today. I'll use it in my teens class.

34:18 But yeah, that's that's an amazing yeah. No, I love that fact that, you know, dance is your yeah flow where it helps you on the back the worst of your days. The worst, Yeah. Even like just watching a dance show because I'm so much into that. Or, or it's like, and mostly the classes, the community which has come in the Bolly Pop family, everyone is just and I feel that process. I realized it's very mutual. Like I said, the moms are coming into the class, They feel good about their body. There have been like we have people who are like physiotherapists and things like that.

34:55 We exchange talks with them. Then we, we do so many shows. So we each show we represent something fun. So we exchange so many creative ideas. You know, there'll be the surprise element there. You know you'll not be coming, and then suddenly you'll jump into the stage and all that. That actually disconnects you so organically from everything. Everything that's happened. So I feel so gifted that first of all, like, you know, dance chose me and I was able to be close to this craft, to understand the beauty of this craft.

35:28 And the second thing is Lollipop, the community, which again, like you create with a good intention and then automatically all good people start coming into it and they never go away. So then I started feeling I have a home away from home. They're like always there for me, always there to listen to me. There have been places where I had to take Rayansh to the class and they take care of him and I'm taking care of the practice and and we switch when I have to go, I come back. So I mean, now it's like everything is normal.

36:02 It I don't feel I don't feel anything wrong about or anything where I have to think twice to step back because of reach. Lot of people lot of lot of people had that mentality or I knew from that conversations. Now she's going to stop dancing. Oh, OK, now she's going to stop. Now she's going to do a lot of things and because now this has happened in her life and I don't know what she'll do and therapies are so expensive and all those stuff right. I was like, no, I can do everything. And then it's just that if you, your situation, like if you talk about it, they'll be out of three, there'll be 4 people who'll be like OK to come and help your child.

36:47 They're OK to come and watch your child. They're OK to be with you when you're doing something. So, so that has helped me not to stop. So it's like, OK, you can. It's the mindset, right? Like the? Mindset. But if you yourself hesitate, like, oh, I'm not going to tell this about my son. Oh, I'm not going to take him to this conversation. Or even the fact that Oh no, this has happened, I should stop doing everything. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That kind of mindset. Yeah. And then you what? What? What then you are just leaving something which has given you so much happiness.

37:21 And you're choosing something which is uncertain. Yeah. So that's why I feel that, you know, this is, this is so this is, this will be the biggest foolishness if someone just chooses, just just chooses their passion versus anything like this, just because the society asks you to do that, just because there's family pressure to do that, just because there's financial pressure to do that. Everything can work in a combination. And I have realized that over time, but then everything works. Sometimes you will run out of budget.

37:57 It will not be as much as you thought. It's OK, but sometimes you will earn more and then you would need more help with your child. There will be people coming. Yeah, so, but then if you just, if you just stop yourself from going out to people, reaching out to people, taking your special need child to different programs or normal situations like birthday parties or I, I take Rayan everywhere like like and I and everyone now like now most of them know and they come up and they now know how to converse with Rayanj like.

38:34 So things like things like that, as parents, we should step up with or I'm not talking about a special need, but anything wrong with your life. You shouldn't hide it. Exactly. You shouldn't like if if you feel there's a value in normalizing it because you are living your life in your own terms, then let's just do it. And that's what we need to do more for sure. Definitely. And that as a person, it just builds you as a better person. There's there's no two ways about it. So and then also you are motivating so many young, younger people who are coming in your circumference or interfacing your life.

39:09 They also like learned, like OK, if she can do it, I can for sure do it. Definitely. It's always like, you know, people see somebody else doing it, then they know that, oh, this is not that difficult. Exactly. Yeah, seeing somebody else doing. It so it's. Possible to do it? Right, exactly. So I think that is what as a community, if we if we show that following our passion is not like compromising on your family life, compromising on things like which is society normal? Yeah, you are doing everything, but at the same time, your mental health, your well-being is, is very directly proportional to your passion.

39:49 Yeah. And you are living by that term. Yeah. So that is some. Oneself, right? Exactly. To your point, society is always ready to kind of like blame, especially the mothers. Mothers saying that every time if you are. Doing this, you are not a good mother if you are doing. If you are not doing, it's like no matter what you do, what you do, you are never a good mother. Never a good one. You have not. You have not realized this. You have not done this. You have not done that. You should have done. And I think you are so right like I was and and sometimes the most hurtful thing will be when people will be silent.

40:25 They'll be very judgmental about you. They'll be silently talking about you or. Behind your back. Behind your back, and that is. That is really poisonous. I know. I mean, like, no matter what you like, no matter what you do, it's always like you're a bad mother or you're, you're not a good enough mother. Yeah. But the at the end of the day, as long as your kid is happy, Yeah. And as long as your kid, you are, you are providing what you think is right for the kid, whether it's mental, physical, emotional needs.

40:57 Yeah. And you are living life according to your own terms. And you are working. You are working damn hard for that. Exactly. And that's pretty. Yeah, exactly right. You are. You are, you are. Whatever your sleep cycle, you are owning it, right? You are working. You like you. Basically you are doing everything yourself. Yeah. And then you're not dependent on anyone. So you, you, you are doing 2 things. You are making your independent career and you are making your child's Life OK for for neurotypical kid the child life goals could be OK there there are different OK someone will be a doctor, engineer.

41:37 It's OK. The parent is supporting, very liberal about it, dancer, sportsperson, and that's the thing for neurodivergent it's actually the same. Same thing but. It's in a different time, in a different time, different plan. That's it and a different timeline. So right now I'm, I'm thinking like, you know, once, maybe once in lifetime, Rayanj will become a good model. He'll walk in all the ramps and he's so tall and he's so dark, handsome, and he's really photogenic. So many photographers have reached out to me.

42:10 They were like, OK, there are. You can train him actually, because now they are good at training, they learn the skills. So he know, OK, this is the time I have to go front, I have to come back, I have to give a look. Nice. And then probably that could become his career. Yeah. So the moment you realize all that and you are creating your own happy path and you are dealing with your own problems to reach the goals of that path, right, then you should not be worried about anyone else who's talking, whether it's your family or whether it is anyone.

42:40 So I feel that once we realise that, you know, we are doing everything by ourselves and we are good at it, then we are just good at it. That's awesome, yeah. No, that I totally agree with that question. Yeah. So I know I've known you for so many years and you are you are this one person who's like, you know, you're known for your incredible energy and enthusiasm. Yeah. Where does where does that come from? I know you said that you were born with it and you kind of you've been a hyperactive kid, like even.

43:13 But when things feel really heavy, like, how do you nurture and get back to that? I know you said it's a question that you've been asking for a while, but I'm sure. There's a little in that, Yeah, I'm still in that journey where someone gets bored after 10 days, but how am I so excited? Like, I've just seen that thing for the first time. I think that's just by nature. Child like curiosity. Yeah, exactly. Like someone will go and say like, hi, how are you doing? And I'll be like, hi, how are you doing, Right.

43:44 So I don't know how and when and why that kind of energy is there with me after, you know, I've started meditation recently and then after asking that question so many times and I, I have all these spiritual talks with my mom as well. Like then my mom says, you know, you are a gifted child and you're born every time to give something to the others. It's like you either you give a smile or either you give a solution. So if you've seen some people who will be talking about their problems or this, you'll see some people they'll start giving you, oh, why don't you try this?

44:22 Why don't you try that? And they'll be very patiently listening to you. So, but that's a conversation, which is someone is giving you something. So my mom says some, sometimes some people are just born to give and that give could be love, could be energy, could be dancing and the feel good factor. So I feel that's something I'm blessed with and I always feel good about it. Like, you know, when people see me, they smile, they hug all the kids kiss me in my class and I love that. And it's just that I think that that feeling itself and it's reciprocal again.

44:59 I want that again and again and again. So I was like, I shouldn't change. I have to be like this because I'm getting that much love. So I feel that that's that's the thing which has kept me going. But just just that giving factor that I've I've made someone happy, nice. And it's just that that that one minute has been so beautiful. Yeah, it's just kept me going. But like I've there was this one statement that I keep going back to in my life. It's like, you know, an experience can make a person bitter or better.

45:34 Better. The choice is. Yours like you know it all comes down to 1's choice. Choice. What I see here and what I see in you is like you've always made the choice to be a better person and happier person and not made it like, you know, sometimes experience leave people cynical. Cynical. But you haven't let that happen to you, which is like a huge. It's a huge point to be proud about, I would say definitely. Now if I feel, I don't know, I feel that that reciprocal earlier it used to be like I dance well and I get applauds for it.

46:08 Now I dance well. I give my energy because again, you're as you age, your body starts aging you. You will see the difference. Of course, you then you try hard to give the same energy, which you used to give at 20. But something, that reciprocal thing from the audience, from the people, from the dance community, from the family just keeps you pushing. Oh, yeah, definitely. So now it's like when I just finish a performance or my class and someone just comes and hugs me or we just have a talk about it.

46:38 Wow, Sarika, today I just feel just wow. Yeah. So that like, OK, next time I shouldn't level it down. It should be the same level. It should be the same idea like that. It pushes. Me supplication pushes you back to yeah. And then the best part of it is it, it leaves no room for negativity. That's the thing. You'll be just filled with so much happiness that there'll be no blind drop of negativity in your brain. You'll sleep happy. I just go to bed and I'm out. Like people complain about sleeping.

47:09 I just go to bed and I just wake up in the next day like, you know, And then it's all positive, good thoughts. Apart from my rough days with Rayanj. But otherwise it's like, it's like it just leaves no room for negativity. And I, I feel that is my hunger that I shouldn't be sitting one minute idle and giving that room for negativity. And you will see that even like with you have seen like most creative people, they always find a way and leave the negativity behind. OK, this is not working. It's fine.

47:41 I'll do this, I'll do this, I'll do this. Let's go here, let's go, let's go for a chat, let's do this. So it's always like something or the other. So sometimes our friends complain. Sarika, when do you sit in your house? Yeah, it's always like practice. Then taking Ray and Shear and then coming back, going to school, then logging in for work. It's always like and. After the other, yeah. 1st I felt like OK I'm pushing myself to build a dance community and now it's become organic and I'm loving it.

48:09 Nice. I just don't feel like sitting down. I was like OK, I need to do something, I'm getting bored by it, it's OK, I'll do something else but but I just can't like. Sit down and. Sit down and just. Mop around. Yeah, mop around. Yeah, but it's amazing. What is something about your child, something beautiful or powerful, that you wish more people understood about autism? Oh, that's, that's such a wonderful question. So one beautiful thing about autism or the people in the spectrum, they will not hurt others.

48:51 They are they'll always treat you with smile. Hopefully their day is going well. We just tell them, hi, Ryan, They'll always smile at you. They'll never be judgmental about you. They will. They cannot make intritive, negative, difficult plans to pull you down. They're very pure of heart. They are very You give them love, they give you back love. Sometimes they are just like I. I sometimes I tell my son like Reyansh, you are, you are a human being with a prudal heart. So how prudals are? They're so loving.

49:26 They always want to lick you. They always want to kiss. They always look for attention and then they the only thing they know is to love you back. They don't know how to hate. They don't know how to hurt. They don't know how to demand. Like, you know that there will be people who will be like, I want this, this CK dress today. I want this Mercedes card today. He will not demand. He'll be like you give him something which he likes. And you have to understand that this, this is his choice. And you give him, he'll be happy.

49:57 He'll be happy wearing, wearing my clothes, he'll be happying. Sometimes I will have like if I don't have expensive toys, I'll give him something. He'll be happy with that, like a $1.00 balloon and he'll be happy with that playing in the car while I do my one hour ride to some place. So it's like very simple, pure people with heart and they just know how to give unconditional love back. And they'll do that their whole life. If you get into the deepness of this, you will just feel your life is so blessed.

50:31 And I don't want to compare my life with anyone or But you know, when I hear stories like parents have done so much and the kid have just disowned them, have sent them to somewhere and not taking care of them, having fights with them for property and money because they own that, you know, then you feel that you know your kid will never do that. They'll always like the only thing they want in life is to be happy and to be with you. So I think this is these are the two things they obviously being a special need child.

51:04 There will be a caregiver always. Either it's parents, either it's mom, dad, grandparents, and that's the world for them because that's that's where when they go to school or when they try to get into like if the if Reyansh walks into a birthday party, he cannot judge. Like, OK, these people are my friends because they are my age group. These people are not my friends. I can go and talk to them. I can play ball with them. He can't judge all that. So he'll be sitting and if anyone else comes to him, hey, Reyansh, do you want to play with the ball?

51:35 And he'll be like happily taking the ball and going. That means he was not judgmental about any people. So I think that's the beauty about these people. Like you'll always live with someone who just know, just knows to give you back love. That's such a beautiful thing. Are there moments of joy or pride in this journey that surprised you? Like moments you didn't expect when you first started out on this journey. I would say surprises were lot because yeah, the awareness as a parent and as a first time parent, you are, you are you are making yourself aware of lot of things like, you know, these kids could go, these could be some one day it will be very surprising.

52:25 They'll be starting swimming, they'll be playing basketball, they'll be doing goals at one, 2-3 at a short. They're just running for hours together. That's a surprise element. Other surprise element is they are biting themselves, they are frustrated, they're banging their heads, they are not able to express their feelings. They are hurting themselves. They're grabbing you hardly and they're trying to say they're suffering and that's a surprise. And that's when you realize that, oh, that's when you feel helpless.

52:55 What is, is your tummy hurting? Is your head hurting? Are you feeling OK? Because even a simple thing, I'm having fever or my tummy is hurting. They are crying, they're not able to tell. So that's a definitely a surprise element. Then, then you know how to deal with it. You start researching and now, now the communication has now the therapies and communication has come a long way from past 10 years. I'm seeing different kind of techniques to teach them communication because just to process and talk, which is which, which is very simple for us is this difficult part for them.

53:29 So so now he's. So those are the surprise elements, good surprise elements. And then there are bad surprise elements. But but yeah, definitely communication is the biggest one where I've always wondered like when, when he can, when he can do these things by doing this 10 steps, why can't he just say it? So for him, it's like if he wants a juice, he will orange juice. He'll go to the fridge, he'll open the juice, he'll pour it in the glass and he'll drink it. But, and if I, if he, if he, if he point somewhere, I was like, Rianj, what do you want?

54:03 And then he will, he will go around the place, search for what exactly he wants and give it to me, which is hard. And I was like, Rianj, it's easy to say I need juice. So that's the, those are like the kind of surprise elements. Like why is communication so difficult for these kids? And what can you do for the communication to grow, get better? Because I think neurological conditions are such that you can't just say that, OK, this will get better in a year. It just like is that small place where things might just start working and after you just had therapy.

54:40 It just has to click for the kid. Click for the kid. And that might take a longer time. Longer time, yes, but even if they are non verbal or there are places where it's difficult, where they can't, but there are a lot of techniques which has come up. But of course communication when they are suffering is the biggest surprise and difficult for me. But then also there are places where you know they will, they will do big things and you will like wow, how did you do this? Like you wrote such a big name and when did you love this and you memorize so many things.

55:18 How did you do this? You just tied your lace and how did you do this? Joy and pride that you get surprises. Exactly. So sometimes you will like how are they learning this without being taught and then how are they? Taking longer to learn. Which are being taught. So like every day I'm asking you to talk and talk like just talk these two sentence like I am hungry. That's it. Every day you just teach him I'm hungry, I'm hungry. But then that's difficult for him. And then, you know, do do take things out of the fridge, put it in the bowl, put it in the microwave is easy for him.

55:57 So I was like, this is this is a puzzle. Every puzzle will surprise you. So for parents who are just beginning their autism journey with their kids and maybe feeling scared or overwhelmed, right, what do you advise them or what do you most want them to hear? I think I every kid first of all for the first thing they should think about. The kid doesn't has not chose them. They chose the kid. They chose the kid to get into this world. So that is the first thing. Like we all know we are getting into this parenthood and we have our expectation from parenthood, but it's not likely the thing that you will get back even in a neurotypical case.

56:46 It's not like you you want at one year your kid will start dancing and at 2 year he'll be modelling, at three-year he'll be dance champion, 4th year he'll be a soccer player. I mean, these are not the milestones you should set. So you should always accept the child as it is. And I think diagnosis, spending time with the child to to realize what the child need is. So for me, I felt that the Ryan's diagnosis at 1 1/2 year was very important for me. So any special needs parents who feel their child is different, having issues, don't hesitate to get the diagnosis.

57:30 Lot of what I've heard from community people, they don't want the label on the child. My child is delayed learning, My child is developmentally delayed, might have autism or in the spectrum, something like that. They don't want that label. So that's the reason they were like, OK, sometime, ho Jayega. After some time, it's OK, it's OK, they start dealing. Stuff the diagnosis. Yeah, so whatever it is, it might not be autism, but the child could be having some hearing issues or, you know, things like that.

58:01 So I think the diagnosis is what you should not ignore, should not ignore. And and whatever comes out of the diagnosis, just accept it. Take your own time to accept it. And no one, but only you can change your child's life. How many ever support you have? You have your husband, you have your mother, your mother-in-law, whatever your family. But the biggest factor is you. If you don't change, you don't accept. Basically the child development stops there. So I feel now, if I look at back at my journey, if I would have not stepped myself, I would have been a person doing 9 to five job, cooking at home, not meeting people, stopping my dance and and just doing things for like just being with Rayu in the house like an orb.

58:49 I feel that I would have been a very different, a bad example for my child. The MO, the moment I realized that I had all the energy to make his plans, meet people, talk about his difficulties, accept his problems. The more I had that with me, Ryansh kept improving. So just to accept that, just to accept that fact will take a long time, that only you can make the difference. But it's not as easy as it sounds. No, Yeah, definitely. I mean, that requires a lot of, as we taught, like a lot of resilience and things will be bad.

59:27 But yeah, not letting it. Stop. Yeah, 1000 people can tell you 1000 things, which is good for your child, but only you as a mother has that intuition. Yeah. Like my child will learn dance, my child will do gymnastics. My child, I know how much she will do this, how much she will do this, and how much she will give to her academic. Yeah, but there will be people who will be telling you no, no, no, no. Let's her do academic now. It's 10th standard. She should only be doing studies and all that. But you always take the call.

59:55 You always be her side. And in a good way, of course. But I feel that as the parents step up themselves, accepting that they will be the difference factor in their child's life and diagnosis, that's the only thing special needs parents need. That's such a wonderful advice for them. Yeah. OK, let's switch gears into a rapid fire questions. Wow.

1:00:23 What's your favorite book? Oh.

1:00:27 It's it's supposed to be rapid fire, so I should say so. That's. OK, Autobiography of a Yogi. OK love that. What's your favorite song? Right now it's Love Me Chhota. He's Sahi. Oh yeah. OK, OK. What's your favorite quotation? Miles to do before I sleep. Oh my God, Robert Frost is like I love that one. Favorite movie? Favorite movie is always Titanic. You know the boat was sinking, but I liked it. OK, what's your greatest fear in life? The greatest fear, it should be. It's very difficult one. It's like I will die and Ryan will not know what to do.

1:01:15 I just think I can take care of him and no one else. So, So what after me? That's my greatest fear. Type A personality What's the most courageous thing you've done in life so far? Courageous thing. I think I've spoken about a lot of places, OK, maybe one incident. So yeah, there there is a there was a place where Ryan was not allowed to go with me and they asked him to go to the men's queue and I was like, no, he has to go with me and you better let him come with me. So I kind of had a fight there, but looked like.

1:01:58 And then also just just choosing this journey of being a mother, AIT professional, a dancer, a teacher, a community builder. Just this journey is courageous, I feel. For sure, definitely. And and hope that keeps growing. OK, what's your philosophy of life? Be happy, be happy and make others happy no matter what, OK? Everything will just magically change around you. That is amazing, thank you so much. So Sarika, thank you for sharing your story with us with such openness and grace. What stays with me most is the optimism and energy you bring into every part of your life, not because things are easy, but because you choose joy, movement and hope, even on hard days.

1:02:52 Thank you Erita, this was so beautiful. Yeah. Thank you. Your journey reminds us that strength can look like showing up with a smile, finding light in small ways, and meeting life exactly where it is with resilience and heart. To every parent listening, especially those walking a similar path, I hope Sarika's story reminds you that your efforts matter, your love is powerful, and you are not alone. This has been portraits of strength. Until next time, keep honouring your journey and keep the quiet courage it takes to show up every single day.

1:03:29 Thank you so much. A quick shout out to today's sponsor, Sri Krishna Jewellers. With over 50 years of craftsmanship, they are now serving the Dallas community from Frisco, TX. If you have someone special worth celebrating, check out their collection at srikrishna.com or call them at 430-231-1111.